Empty
November 7, 2011
Lately, I have been asked – or commanded, rather, but in that polite way God will often try once or twice or a dozen times before He gets fed up with your stubbornness and has you swallowed by a giant fish, or turns you into a pillar of salt – to give up a lot of things. I’ve found the strength and the courage to let go of some of them willingly. (Read: I’ve managed to make it look like I was willing, as opposed to sullen and resentful.) There are other things I continue to hold penuriously to my chest, childlike in my obstinacy, counting down the last moments of comfort before I lose them…
And I will lose them.
I feel like I know, at the edges of my consciousness, what’s coming. Each day feels like another resigned step toward the inevitable… but I also know that the misery will pass, like so many other things, and that I can’t wait for it here. I just have to keep searching for the sun.
I looked my demons in the eye
Laid bare my chest, said
Do your best – destroy me.
You see, I’ve been to hell
And back so many times,
I must admit, you kind of bore me…
